CONTROLLING ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS
Here are 8 tips for controlling anger and unforgiveness in a time when persons with weak social support systems may be feeling particularly vulnerable. They are meant to offer support by portraying the benefits releasing unforgiveness and bitterness and choosing forgiveness and hope instead. So, if by the end of this post, you are still not sure how to proceed with self-care for unforgiveness, then seek the services of a qualified medical doctor or health care provider.
If you can identify with this state of mind, read on. Learn how to apply each of these tips to control bitterness and the problems which it causes in your family life.
1. HAVE A PLAN FOR CONTROLLING ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS
John is late for the 4 o’clock service because he has been driving around Hollymead for almost two hours before he can force himself to enter the small once-familiar auditorium.
He stands outside for a short while, briefly allowing himself to savor the memory of his wedding day. ‘Get with it, John, he scolds himself. He tries to brush them aside but it is some time before he can completely control the sense of nostalgia that threatens to overwhelm him. Finally, he manages to push them aside completely, before he slips belatedly through the side entrance, just as the special presentation the choir is being announced.
2. INSTEAD OF EMBRACING THE ROLE OF THE ANGRY, ESTRANGED WIFE, CONTROL ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS
John looks around for his estranged wife and sees that she is seated three rows from the back. He starts visibly when he recognizes the fire-red dress that she wore home from the hospital after their daughter was born; He tries to make eye contact with her, but she looks stubbornly away… He makes his way around the perimeter of the church and eases himself into the space to her right, but as he notices the studied blankness of her features, he almost regrets his decision to accept his sister’s heartfelt invitation to attend this concert dedicated to family reconciliation. “O Lord,” he breathes in desperation, “If you really want us to be a family again, please send me a sign.”
3. THE UNFORGIVING DAUGHTER, EMBRACING CHILDHOOD HURTS, ALSO NEEDS TO LEARN ABOUT CONTROLLING ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS
… Since the entrance of her father, Misty Jones has been studying the stony features of her mother, Karen. It’s as if she is staring at the body of a headless chicken that’s fluttering under a down-turned bucket. It brings back a flood of bitter memories which are, however, somewhat soothed as the high, sweet notes of the choir begin to fill the spaces of her soul:
O love that will not let me go
I rest my weary soul in thee…
“Tell me,” said Auntie, not unkindly, “why are you suddenly telling so many lies?”
“Why are you like this?” screamed Mommy. “Your father is going to give you a beating you’ll never forget!”
4. CONTROL OF ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS CAN HEAL FRACTURED RELATIONSHIPS
Misty never forgot. Her mother’s, her father’s, her aunt’s voices, along with the angelic singing, juggle like wind chimes inside her head. The bloodied body of the chicken twitches spasmodically as she looks out at the beauty around her, so different from the ugly memories inside her head. Trailing green plants hang from the trees bordering the driveway.
Potted plants stand in the corners and above the main entrance a single large pot of red geraniums has been hung…
Misty is wrested back to the present as the music rises to a crescendo and the sweet young voices ring out anew:
I lay in dust life’s glory dead.
And from the ground
There blossoms red Life that shall endless be.
Anticipate the Sweet Turnaround
Then all at once she hears the principal say: “Let us now hold hands as we offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us deeply. Let’s try to resurrect new lives from the ashes of the past.”
“I forgive you,” she whispers to herself and then to her parents as their three pairs of hands touch.
Adapted from ‘Blossom . . . Red in my book Turn Your Negatives into Positives and Your Positives into Superlatives
5. CONTROLLING BITTERNESS, ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS AS SUGGESTED BY THE STORY
Blossom Red, alluding to the pots of red geraniums used as decoration for the family event, is also symbolic of the support of the wider community.
Through the support received by the church and school John, the main character, is able to overcome his sense of bitterness. This drives away the spirit of unforgiveness which caused him to be separated from his wife and daughter. In turn, they have been divided against themselves as well as against him.
In particular, for the greater part of the story, John is unable to control his bitterness against his wife and daughter. However, when he overcome his bitterness, and anger, he brings joy to his life as well as to the life of his daughter, Misty. Through exercising forgiveness, he is also able to start the process of reconciliation to his estranged wife.
a. Because of his action in joining his estranged wife in church, Misty is tempted to judge her mother for her past actions. Neither did she make herself into the judge of her own father. Instead, it is the music that dominates and cancels out the sounds of the ugly voices inside her head.
b. She is forced into the role of judge against his own father. Karen, mother evidently made John into the disciplinarian of the family. He would evidently express his anger at her by using use corporal punishment, a method of discipline that is now strongly frowned upon.
c. John also seems to take upon himself the role of judge. He subconsciously blames Karen for influencing him in his cruelty to their child. However, when he successfully fights with the unforgiveness inside himself, accepted the invitation and the opportunity for family reconciliation, and was successful in restoring peace, harmony and joy to himself and his family. Thus, it can be said that John, more than any of the others who were affected by his dereliction of duty in his role of husband and father. He has successfully uprooted the ‘root of unforgiveness’ which had been growing in his life.
d. The title, Blossom Red, signifies the flowers of love which have sprouted. By continually watering those flowers of love and respect for himself and his family members peace and harmony will now grow in John’s life instead of the ‘root of unforgiveness.’ The church setting, with its emphasis on reconciliation, and in particular, the message of the song, are also very important factors which contribute to the success of the changes in John which culminate in the healing of the estrangement between himself and other family members.
6. EACH OF THE MAIN CHARACERS LEARNS ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF MANAGING ANGER AND UNFORGIVENESS
WITH JOHN, THE FATHER, LEADING THE WAY, THE BITTERNESS OF EACH OF THE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY, WAS EXORCISED. Through the activation of faith and his acceptance of his need to respect himself and, his wife and his daughter, everyone’s anger and bitterness began to melt away.
The intended lesson is that not every modern story has to end with the bitter taste of total separation and isolation. Sometimes it is possible to find the flower within the thorn. And when you let go of past hurts you can learn to control your anger, that terrible emotion which feeds unforgiveness. by letting go, you can exit a family crisis, healed.
7. EXERCISES TO HELP WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT AND BEING BETTER, NOT BITTER
• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
8. BENEFITS OF DESTROYING ANGER, BITTERNESS AND UNFORGIVENESS IN YOUR LIFE
1. You are at peace with yourself and others
2. You help others, including your children, to be at peace with themselves and others
3. You reap the fruits of spiritual perfection, a.k.a. JOY.
IN CONCLUSION: always resist the temptation to harbor intense feelings of resentment against Madam Fate and how she has treated you unfairly Instead, try to apply these 8 tips to controlling your anger and bitterness.
By being better, instead of being bitter, you can change the unpleasant consequences that anger and unforgiveness bring. Nobody can achieve anything by continuing to rail ineffectually against fate. Instead, do try to seek the good in the situations that try our faith and love. Everyone needs to be in control of our emotions, and in this context, to rescue ourselves from falling into the pit of despair because of the need for greater self-control, anger management and respect for self and others.
It can be done! Learn to apply these 8 tips for controlling anger and unforgiveness, just as you face any other undesirable emotion, and enjoy the benefits of peace, love and harmony in your family. Find more ideas: http://Get more ideas on controlling your anger and keeping your family together in love and harmony
Train up your children to control anger and bitterness
The Paradox of Anger: Strength or Weakness? | Psychology Today
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